ST. V Day Chick Flicks -- MLB style

Valentine’s Day? Requests poured in (well one) for the MLB’s take on … chick flicks.

I'll admit, I’m a chick-flick masochist; a reveler in the male pain induced by estrogen-laden movies that spin the ladies into paroxysms of weak-kneed sobbing. No, the MLB doesn't get all femmy and  sentimental. And, unlike most guys, I don’t see chick flicks as foreplay: “Dear John” – Loved it, honey. Ready to go back to your place?”

Dear John

For the MLB it’s actually worse: I go by myself. It's a movie quest, a journey to understand why the shameless jerking of tears is attractive and appealing. CF’s are supposed to be enormous fun. But too many, like the recent “Dear John,” aren’t only boring, they're as romantic as going with my girlfriend to shop for curtains. Yet, when it opened on Super Bowl weekend -- a smart counter-marketing move -- it topped the box-office.   

So this is a short list (we'll revisit the genre later): not the obvious titles, or the biggest money-makers, or those femme-porn fantasies that send guys bolting down the aisles to spend half the movie texting in the bathroom. Just, good movies.

THE LADY EVE

My volume of Preston Sturges’ screenplays is the funniest book I’ve ever read, bar none. Through the 1940s, this writer/director created a series of smash comedies that spanned almost a decade, a string of successes rivaling Hitchcock in the 1950s, and Pixar and Clint Eastwood in the 2000s. When he calls two people in love “ a fine specimen of suckersapien,” he’s right-on and you know you’re in for smart and funny.   

“The Lady Eve” is his best. Barabra Stanwyk is cougar, con-woman par excellence “Eve,” and Henry Fonda is Charles Poncefort Pike, heir to the Pike beer fortune. An unlikely love pair. But as she fleeces him time after time – “I need him like an ax needs a turkey” – she finds herself … well, in love. Won’t reveal more except the ending scene and final lines are classic. Get the Criterion Collection DVD and be rewarded by one funny viewing after another.

SMOOTH TALK

When I thought of chick flick blogs, this was the first movie I thought of. Haven’t seen it since it showed on PBS in 1985, but the effect of this intense drama about the emotional and sexual awakening in a young girl was persistent, staying with me for all these years. Is this what it’s like for women? Is this what they really go through?

Based on Joyce Carol Oates’ “Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been” (an icon of modern short-story writing) and directed by Joyce Chopra, Laura Dern plays 15 year-old Connie who meets up with the much older “Friend” (Treat Williams).

His menacing smooth talk gives new meaning to Bruce Springsteen’s line “ from your front porch to my front seat, the door’s open but the ride ain’t free.” Seeing it recently, Connie’s anguish and fear was as effective as I remembered, but the sense of her growing potency as a self-aware adult was a process I had missed. The years have not diminished this film's richness and power.

Chick Flick Discussion: “An Education” (2009) is another story about a teen-older man affair with a whole different take.

THE TRUTH ABOUT CATS AND DOGS

Writer/director Audrey Wells’ (“Under the Tuscan Sun”) reverses gender for this remake of Cyrano de Bergerac (and “Roxanne”) and comes up with a terrific screenplay. Dowdy veterinarian, Abby (Janeane Garofalo), falls for Brian (Ben Chaplin) over the phone and, since she feels so insecure about her appearance, sends tall, blond friend Noelle (Uma Thurman) to stand in for her on a date. What lifts this romantic comedy above the usual high syrup goo of the genre is Garofalo’s smart openness – “if you’re trapped in a biosphere for  2 or 3 years, who would you bring, Time Magazine’s Woman of the Year or Playboy’s Playmate of the Year?”

Abby is intelligent and strong, great qualities for her job, yet with men she’s vulnerable. The scene where she tells Brian who she really is, generates one of my favorite lines. As she compares her appearance to Noelle's, thus challenging the way most men dichotomize women, she confronts him: “What you say you love comes in this package, not that one.”

THE SHOP AROUND THE CORNER

Most Ernst Lubitsch movies capture that one-of-a-kind, sophisticated allure historically known as the Lubitsch Touch. But this charming comedy goes beyond touch; it captivates and delights to the point where Pauline Kael called it "pure perfection." James Stewart and Margaret Sullavan play sniping co-workers who respond to a personal add in a newspaper, not-knowing each is writing to the other.

Beauty comes from all directions in this movie: the dialogue and characters, the acting, the romantic chemistry between the two leads, and the directing. Lubitsch keeps us identified with the specific view of each character every step of the way. As for the new version, "You've Got Mail," it sent this cinephile into an apoplexic state of movie-remake appallment.

COMING UP:
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